doodles and scribbles
Saturday, February 03, 2007
>contrary, contradictoryHave you ever experience contradiction between the heart and the mind?
Yung tipong your mind says this but your hearts feels the opposite?
Most of the time, its difficult to be in that situation.
Like now, I thought...
Matutuwa ba ako or malulungkot sa mga nagyayari sa mga tao sa paligid ko... There are some people in my life who abandoned me. Yung tipong out of no where e iiwan ka na lang sa ere. NO explanations, no nothing. Maybe, they are happy doing that choice. It's their choice. They did it because its the only way. So, what they did, it left me wounded. Sa sobrang bleeding, I tend to be angry to them. Tipong kinakain na ako ng galit ko. I tend to be destructive. (Yun ang mahirap pag sobrang galit mo)
Now... what confuses me is that, when I heard that something bad happend to them, I am left in a situation in which I dunno what to feel. As in! Matutuwa ba ako o malulungkot?
Yung tipong your mind says this but your hearts feels the opposite?
Most of the time, its difficult to be in that situation.
Like now, I thought...
Matutuwa ba ako or malulungkot sa mga nagyayari sa mga tao sa paligid ko... There are some people in my life who abandoned me. Yung tipong out of no where e iiwan ka na lang sa ere. NO explanations, no nothing. Maybe, they are happy doing that choice. It's their choice. They did it because its the only way. So, what they did, it left me wounded. Sa sobrang bleeding, I tend to be angry to them. Tipong kinakain na ako ng galit ko. I tend to be destructive. (Yun ang mahirap pag sobrang galit mo)
Now... what confuses me is that, when I heard that something bad happend to them, I am left in a situation in which I dunno what to feel. As in! Matutuwa ba ako o malulungkot?
A part of me says that I should be happy, at least nakarma na sila for what they've did to me... Serves them right... They've been wounded so we are even... Things like that...
A part of me says that I should be sad because they almost lost everything... That it this should've happend to them... not to this extent... Nakakalungot lang na pwede naman hindi ganun katindi ang balik pero ayun ang nagyari.
Other things that confuses me is that whether I should forgive them or not. To forgive or not to forgive? That is the question. I know that if God has the capacity to forgive, why can't I? I am still a human, and I have the capacity to forgive, I still have the goodness of a human being no. I can still feel sympathy. (Matakot kayo kung wala na!) Sometimes, people misinterpreted me as the opposite because of my strong personality pero naman, I am sensitive naman kahit papano... Therefore, I am prone to what ever pain inflicted on me... Kaya there is a part of me who doesn't want to forgive because of the pains that I felt. Hindi bale kung once lang e... pero ang daming na nila akong ginanito that there's a point in which I feel apathetic na.
This is what's difficult. Being caught in that situation
Another situation that I hate is that when I am missing those people who once become a part of my life, siyempre, before they abandoned me. Nanghihinayang of the friendship that what lost, there are thoughts na: Ano na kayang ginawa na nila ngayon? Masaya ba naman sila etc. but there's another that says, wag mo na silang isipin, they're not thinking what your're thinking. They abandoned you remember? Lam mo yung type na bitter ka sobra at ayan nanaman, anger builds up at nagiging destructive nanaman ako.
Sigh... life is complicated...
Mas mabuti pa ang bata simple lang ang buhay...
